Numa Numa ( 8 )

i don't even know why i am writing this, it's not like i want everyone to fucking know how depressed i am, like they don't already have a fucking clue, no of course not, because i'm always ignored, just another face in the crowd, useless, worthless, basically a waste of space, i don't even know why i fucking bother any more, i'd rather just stay home, and talk to my friends, i have met through facebook, they are the bestest friends i have ever had, some i hardly talk to anymore, but when it all comes down to it, they were always there for me, they knew exactly what to say, they didn't give me some fucked up answer like "it's just a stage, everyone goes through it" because really? thats not what i fucking want to hear, i miss the days, where i coul actually talk to them, have heart-to-heart convos, but now they have probably moved on, and actually gotten lives, while i sit here, left behind, like the fucking lost soul i fucking am, what the fuck am i supposed to do about it ?
it's not like i can go out there and live my life, cause there's always this fucking mental barrier stopping me, i can't go anywhere anymore without fucking breaking down, and today was the second time it happened really badly, like i couldn't fucking handle it anymore, i couldn't take it, i couldn't be at fucking school and seeing all these fucking people, so i fucking left, i doubt i was missed too, because who the fuck would miss me after the way i have been acting these past few weeks, i guess you could say . . . like fuck, NO ONE understands, and i don't want them to, i don't want them to have to put up with and deal with the same shit i am going through, because it's not fucking happy. i only feel happy when i am at home now, sometimes not even, it's because my family knows exactly what i am going through, even though we have fights every now and then, we know why and what its for, instead of some fucking shit like "we all go through it" fuck you. but i need someone outside of my family, a friend even, because you don't know what it's all fucking like, when i say 'fml' i really mean FML, not some fucking gay ass shit, worrying about a crush, like fuck. but then i ask myself, again. . .why the fuck am i telling you all of this, its not like you give two shits about it. and i don't really fucking care if you do or don't . . . you fucking ask whats wrong, i tell you, and then you don't fucking reply, if you are going to be a real fucking person, then atleast reply, instead of ignoring it, and never replying . like shit. just fucking leave me alone if you are going to act like that .